Chapter 8

The phone rings incessantly.  Hundreds of people are eager to greet me.  The leaders of the Jewish movement request that I organize a general reception, a big public event.  But I feel totally unable to socialize.  Being with people causes me almost physical pain.  I am totally devastated, turned inside out.  The feeling of euphoria has given way to a sense of infinite weariness, fatigue, exhaustion.  Everything is covered in fog . . . I feel as if my skin has been peeled off, and now even the slightest touch causes me acute pain . . . But people’s impatience is so great that without waiting for a public event, small groups come to my house one after another without invitation . . . After each meeting, I am absolutely exhausted.  In the end, I decide it will be better to organize a big reception.

The whole apartment is densely packed with people.  I recount for everyone the thrilling experiences of imprisonment, interrogations, threats, hunger strike; coping with extreme stress, internal mobilization, miracles, survival and resounding victory.  I continue talking, excited, breathless, and unable to stop . . . I pour out my emotions, bitterness and stress.  I am bombarded with questions.  It is long past midnight, but no-one wants to leave . . .

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